= to forget or hold on? =

I wonder. Well,today wasnt a really good day for me. Hmm... went for x-ray before going to rj open house. Yeah, to my classmates, you guys must be so amazed how did i do that. Dad drove me to Mount Elizabeth Hospital and yeah, did that x-ray in an hour. Then rushed down to RJ myself. I got myself drenched when I alighted from the bus. The place is horrible when it's raining! Many others like me got drenched and they got stuck at the bus stop. Blame it on the lousy facilities there, without any shelters.. =P I didn't get very dry either with the umbrella. When I reached RJ entrance, I looked someone who had just bathed with my uniform on... -.-!

Called PY when I reached there. Haha she's so touched when I still come for the open house although it was raining cats and dogs. She led me into the indoor gym, where I saw Lorraine. After the cheerleading thing, I saw JESSICA! Oh my god,she is real good! Hey girl, if you're reading, I'm giving you a 5 star rating. Haha I'm so proud to know you! Well, although I saw her, I didn't have the chance to go and talk to her. So sorry! Well, Stephanie, Glenda and Cherie were planning to go RJ. After reaching the bowling booth, saw Travis, Christopher and Aloysius talking to Kenneth. Guess the guys are going in for sure. That makes RJ Bowling extremely strong next year. Hopefully ACJC doesn't get that many bowlers =P. To my surprise, I did not see Alpphenyl. However, I did manage to spot Deanna, if I got her name correct. After stoning while listening to the performance, I got bored. Ultimately, I felt outcast. No one seems to be talking to me, since all the people at the booth are the smart kids. Kenneth and Marcus were talking to Christopher, PY talking to Steph and Glenda about bowling and appeal stuffs. I'm just someone who is crappy enough to go RJ open house. What for? Though I got nothing to do, but this decision made me feel very awkward.

Sigh.

Hence, I decided to leave after an hour. Kenneth and Marcus seemed surprised when I took my leave. Yeah, it was short, but seriously, what for staying when I am not needed here? I mean, I'm not intending to come to RJ next year, Even I do, I don't qualify. Too stupid for RJ. I'm sorry if I sounded sarcastic. Yeap. I am saying it from the bottom of my heart.

While I walked my way to the station, I was thinking about last year and this year. What if I have chosen to appeal to go into RJ during JAE? What if I have studied harder and get into RJ that time? What if there was no accidents in my science practicals? What if I was more focused during my Additional Mathematics paper during O level, so that I won't flunk my Paper 2? What if I have chosen to go to a polytechnic? What if I have chosen to go over to Australia's Trinity College, or Monash College? What if.... The thoughts just go on and on. I know all these stuffs have no meanings. However, I cannot control my thoughts. Gosh, I'm mad.

On the other hand, I have to learn to love TJ. Seriously, I have no initiative to promote TJ. I don't understand myself either. It's like , people try to like persuade their juniors or their friends to go into their colleges, while me, I would say " I didn't ask you to come TJ" when people told me they won't go TJ. I am so sorry towards TJ, but I have no feelings for it. I stayed in TJ because of LEP, because of my class 3404 ( before change). If not for these, I would have gone to ACJC. Sigh. What's the point of brooding over it? Get a life, Andrea. Please, you need to get a life in TJ and start a new life in TJ. Stop thinking about other colleges!

I'll try my best. I hope so. I hope my classmates will give me a chance to do so, by giving me support.

Anyway, I know something has been bothering me. Not anything supernatural, but yeah, some unqueasy feeling nowadays. I feel the urge to tell someone about my feelings. It's painful and torturing to bottle everything in my heart. I cannot seem to find anyone whom I can share my worries with, or my feelings. True feelings here. Jing and Wen are so busy, and furthermore, Jing is busy with her darling too. Denise seems to be drifting away, well she has her own darling too. Everyone seems so busy with their own things. So I should not bother anyone about it. My feelings for this person has re-ignited. Sigh. I'm crapping again.

Holidays... please arrive soon.

To me, myself : Stop sighing and get a life ! =(